Wednesday, October 6, 2010

How to Give and Take Criticism

Ita Lolita, we've all been there, or at least been near enough. The first time we saw Lolita we swooned and wanted to look as beautiful as those models asap. Newbies as we were, we jumped on the first thing that screamed 'I am black and white with lace and frills!!'
Oh if we had only known the error of our ways...

As if looking back at old photos and lace monsters wasn't enough punishment for our wrongdoings, many people also remember snappy comments from E-Lolis, and some now prefer not to post online, regardless of whether they have improved as Lolitas or not.

The way you say something, especially on the internet, can be taken in many ways, and yes, bad is one of them. Newbie Lolitas are fragile, and can easily be scared away from the style by people whose intentions are good, but whose concrit can be picked up as bitchfacery.

I was asked recently what I thought about when I saw someone wearing a co-ord or a piece that could be classified as ita. I found it to be a strange question, but also an interesting one, because of differences of opinions towards newbie Lolitas. So, what DO I think when I see an "Ita"?

First, I look to see what they got right, instead of chopping off heads over what's wrong.
Then I break down what's wrong about the outfit, perhaps with suggestions for improving. It's a simple task, but many people can't seem to get it quite right. Of course, there can be reasons for frustration in feedback, which I'll get onto later in this post.


"Hey, nice try. Maybe next time you should wear a dress instead of a black cloth covered in paper d'oily shreddings. That teddy looks like it's ready to give up too, this is just so awful... why would you do THIS and call it Lolita??"

"Hey there! It's hard to see, but I think you have the skirt shape right. As for the dress, I'd recommend something with much less lace and regular, straight sleeves. In fact, for a first piece, a jumperskirt may be a good option, and a blouse for underneath too. It may also be better to stay away from black with white lace, as it can be difficult to pull off. Also, if you want to make Gothic Lolita a little bit cute by adding a teddy bear, try to pick a teddy which compliments your outfit. Good luck with future co-ords, and remember, we're ALL still learning!"

Which would YOU prefer to say was your comment?

Of course, there is always another side to something like this...

Taking Critisicm 101

Some people simply cannot take criticism. They don't care if you sugar-coat it or throw every possible positive comment in with it, they just don't like being criticized. They're wearing something THEIR way and they don't give a hoot.

Ah. About that.

Part of being a Lolita is learning. If you are a new Lolita excitedly posting a picture of your first outfit somewhere, be prepared for criticism. If someone tells you that your skirt is too short, when it really is, then don't ignore it and carry on, do something about it! If someone suggest that you try a different colour or shoe type, then do if you can!
There's nothing quite as annoying as someone who posts over and over again, showing the same errors, or rather, 'slip-ups', in outfits when they've already been advised against it. It's even worse when they lash out, saying they're just 'being themselves' and 'expressing their individuality'. It's truly frustrating for people who spend time trying to help, and can be the reason behind many hurtful outbursts.
People do not spend time giving advice just to peeve you. If criticism upsets you, then don't post pictures, it's as simple as that.

Another thing, don't get upset when someone says something straight out. Of course, I did say earlier in this post that people should not tear strips off someone when giving critique, but that doesn't mean some people don't mince their words. If someone says that a skirt you have is awful, or that an item of clothing doesn't flatter you, don't get upset about it, but do give it a little bit of thought. There may be some truth in the comment.

Of course, there can be some people who simply want to tick others off. If someone tells you to stop wearing Lolita, then ignore them. There is a style for everyone, and a dress style for every shape girl (or boy ^-^).

All in all, it's a case of 'Treat others as you would like to be treated.' So remember your manners (yes, they matter online too!) and remember, don't take it too seriously!


  1. I agree with this wholeheartedly! You found the happy medium between being too harsh and too soft on people looking for critiques. (It's Alicornia, by the way! I felt like commenting... :P)

  2. Thank you so much for you comment! (The first to my blog by the way! :D) Mmm, I just find that some people are either like 'FKCUING NOOBS!' or 'EGL BTICHFACES!!11'... so here's a nice balanced look at things :P

  3. SO true! People need to stop thinking they are above the rest of us, learners and elitists are both in the same boat when it comes to manners and others feelings.

  4. I can see how a lolita-crazy 13 year old maybe doesn't want to take critique (lots of us have been there...), but then they shouldn't post their photos online. Thus if someone trashes you for giving concrit, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I think that's the only point you didn't cover, other than that, I super-agree!

  5. Hmm I understand where you're going here with this, and I do agree that criticism should be given in constructive ways.

    I just get irritated when I post an outfit online (not on a Lolita community, mind you) and I still get the whole "you're doing Lolita wrong, rawr!" comments. It's like....I'm technically not wearing Lolita. I know the skirt is the wrong shape and size.  I know I'm not wearing stockings.

    It just bothers me that I can't actually wear any of my Lolita clothing out and about in a non-Lolita way without getting flack for it.